¿WhY aRe YoU sInGlE?
Or, my favorite, why have you been single so long? Let’s talk about this, cause I get asked this a lot // There’s something incredibly calming about reaching peace with singlehood. Something so freeing about piecing together the puzzle that is you and finding the inner soul and confidence that come with that.
Would I love to have someone to adventure with and cuddle up with for movie nights? Of course! But the neatest part about being at peace with singlehood is that I’m not just settling for anyone to fill that spot // If that means a little extra time solo tripping, self developing and free time to dive into my friends and family - I can’t handle that. Cause with each passing day the package my future husband gets only gets better and better 💋
If you came from IG, that’s what you brought you here. Hello! Thanks for checking my page, and uncensored thought flow, out. Let’s keep going…
There are so many connotations with being single, particularly negative ones: lonely, boring, unadventurous, sad, desperate, that you’re always searching, you’re incomplete, I could go on and on. For a long time I would’ve wholeheartedly agreed with you and probably chimed in with some more reasons on how terrible it is to be single. But now, now I’d argue and say that if those are the only connotations you have with being single, you have most likely never TRULY spent time alone with yourself. Maybe you’re a relationship hopper or had your high school sweetheart from day one (I’m not judging, I’ve been in both of those spots). Either way, being with someone just isn’t quite the same as being alone. That’s not to say you can’t grow and develop in a relationship; in fact, you SHOULD be growing and developing even in a relationship. It just isn’t the same as being alone day in and day out.
Having someone there to start your day and end your day, always having that person you know will go to a movie with you or explore new restaurants with. Exploring some place new can be scary but having that comfort person alongside you brings that bubble of safety with you wherever you go, whatever you face. Having the emotional person to be able to unload on or someone to check in when they notice you aren’t quite as spunky as you usually are walking in the door from work. Having someone to take care of you when you’re sick or pick up the slack around the house when you’re feeling blue. Having all of that means you don’t experience that feeling of it being you, yourself and I (you?) and still finding a way to thrive and not just survive. You don’t endure the pressure and fear that can come with choosing to do the things you want that society doesn’t really deem a “loner” activity. Having all of that in someone else is not having to live without the safety bubble. It’s true discomfort verses controlled discomfort.
Being alone… it’s different. It’s quiet mornings and even quieter nights. It’s sitting at tables alone and all nighter movie nights by yourself. It’s solo road trips and dealing with the roller coaster emotions life throws at you by yourself. Facing the things that go bump in the night alone and dancing it out alone in the living room. It’s leftovers for days because you don’t have someone to help eat those new recipe dinners. I know, I know. This was supposed to be an empowering singlehood story and that was pretty melancholy. Just trust me, keep going. If you haven’t experienced that single period of time in life I wanted you to gain some perspective of all the little things you don’t think about.
I had pretty much been in a relationship from 15-23 years old. Not the same person all those years, but a couple very important, very serious relationships. Those years played a very important role in my life and I learned a ton of life lessons I can recall and I’m sure thousands I’m not even cognizant of. Abruptly, however, I was alone and figuring out life on my own for the first time since becoming an adult. Pure fear and confusion eventually paired with a good blend of excitement and uncertainty at the future resulted in a dangerous concoction of both sheer determination and a gut wrenching desire to be better. That concoction became the fuel to the fire that became my life.
After a few months…. Okay okay probably a year, of getting my feet grounded and basic responsibilities mastered. (One long, hard year, let me tell you. Lots of tears, happy and sad and mad days). The flourishing finally began:
I started with going to the movies alone, something I had done before but now took on a new meaning - it wasn’t by choice this time. That became dinners alone which eventually turned into happy adventures to nearby towns. I started scouring Pinterest to find different hobbies and things to try (thank you TikTok for that now). I dedicated time to books, both fiction and non-fiction. I had more time than ever to fall into Jesus and my religion, both strengthening my pre-existing beliefs and forming new ones. I developed new habits - house cleaning routines, money saving routines, self care days, date nights and dinners with family and friends. Eventually, after a major job shift - opportunity knocked to travel more and explore beyond the confinement of local towns/cities. 10 states later, and counting, I continue to learn more and more about myself. Just when I think I have my inner workings figured out, I discover something new and grow in a new way.
You can do this. It starts with one day at a time, one hour at a time or one minute at a time if that’s what you need. One breath, one step and onward - focusing on what’s directly in front of you, not the whole thing at once. You don’t need to tackle all of life in one sitting, no one does. Especially not alone. So right now, I’m this time period of being by yourself - keep focus on the now. Keep focus on the you that you’re building. On becoming the absolute best version of you for your family, future spouse and kids, friends but most importantly for YOU. That’s the most important part here - you’re doing it for you.
The lonely nights or times in the valley alone are tough. But the highs, they’re something indescribable. Successfully standing on the mountaintop looking back at the deepest and darkest valley you’ve faced is an overwhelming sense of pride and inner strength. Knowing that there was a time you didn’t think you could go on or how close you were to your breaking point and seeing that point where you buckled down and committed to you is empowering to say the least. It gives you a sense of invincibility - that there is an entire world of opportunity ahead of you. Every time I find myself on a mountain top, my dreams soar to new heights. My creativity flourishes and I plan like a madwoman for what I’d like to make happen in the future for myself, my future husband and family. In those moments - no one can stop me as I prep for the next adventure. Guess what y’all? I’m standing on a mountaintop. Come and join me, it’s time to be unstoppable 😈
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